It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
