Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
As shirtless as possible
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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