Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
