addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
