I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize