Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
