Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
