She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
