Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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