wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
