Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
