Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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