You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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