What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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