I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
