I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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