That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
