Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize