Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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