There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
