And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Farmville is her only friend.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
