So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
