Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Randomize
