apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
