i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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