you lied. pity sex is amazing.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
