And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
