and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
