Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
