i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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