I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
