Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize