I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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