Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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