Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
