You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
