Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
