Pregnant stripper...not hot.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
