good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
