the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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