glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
