And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
