i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Quick, to the slutcave!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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