I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
