one word: firstdatebathroomanal
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
