Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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