We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
