Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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