Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
