I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
