he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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