i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
