Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
