Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
