she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize