my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
