he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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