I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize