pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
