I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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