WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
