Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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