Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
