Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
