Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
