If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
