Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She bit a glass in half.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
